Handling Difficult Conversations Reading Answers

For many people challenging or difficult conversations are a bit like the common cold: we all get them, they can be a real nuisance, but there seems to be no cure. The essential element to mastering one-to-one interactions at work, particularly around performance, conduct or communication issues, is remaining in charge. Many people go into difficult conversations with very good intentions, but often make the mistake of prolonging or intensifying the problem rather than restricting or resolving it. A difficult conversation is one where you have to manage emotions and information in a sensitive way. 

The first thing you might ask yourself is: is this my problem? Most problems are the responsibility of the line manager, but this is not always the case and there will be times when a more senior manager or, in larger organisations, Human Resource specialists, will talk to an employee first. If you accept that you are the person to talk to an employee, there is still an understandable temptation to delay the potentially awkward encounter for as long as possible. Most of us instinctively know when the right moment is to deal with a problem. Issues do crop up without warning, but more often than not there are alarm bells. You can help to make conversations with your employees less difficult by having a quiet word at the first sign that something is wrong, keeping in touch with your staff and the team and using employee representatives as sounding boards for how staff are feeling about issues. It is far better to nip problems in the bud rather than waiting for them to become more entrenched or complicated. Your line managers can be of invaluable assistance with this.

For difficult conversations, it's most likely that you will need to have a meeting in private. Face to face communication is more effective than telephone or email, as the employee can see the matter is being taken seriously. Think, too, about the room layout. Sitting opposite someone with a table in front shows a certain formality, but sitting next to someone can be less threatening.

Be prepared. Before the meeting, research and make some notes on areas to discuss along with any evidence for what you have to say. Your internal policies and procedures for handling discipline and grievances, for example, or absence - should give you a framework for any action you intend to take.

You decide if and when you need to adjourn for a break and what tactics are working and if you need to change your approach. If the employee feels he/she has gained the upper hand then the meeting might not achieve its purpose.

Remember the conversation is not about finding winners and losers. Be prepared to negotiate, particularly if the employee is acknowledging the problem, ready to reach a compromise or is working to agree a way forward. Finding a mutually agreeable solution to many problems can allow both parties to feel as though their opinions have been acknowledged and taken into account. Many managers feel that the nature of the encounter forces them to act out of character - perhaps appearing more strict and business-like than in normal, day-to-day interactions. Though it can be tempting to enter a meeting wanting to be liked and to maintain a close friendship with the employee, most conversations are more likely to succeed if you adopt a professional manner.